and the common tests were over before i realised what hit me. and time passed even quicker as i am tormented by the various obstacles that undoubtedly blinded my very judgement of life. its already the beginning of may, two months since my latest post and finally i am able to sit down and start typing, start over the life i once had.

but not for long. this calm assumption will only last me a few more days before the stark reality of the midyears will haunt me once more. the first ones especially the H1s, which i havent begun to even revise.

the main reason i have gathered as i honed my skills of self-reflection away from my blog, is complacency and a really thick head of thinking that i am a busy man and thus can be excused from any results below expectation. the previous entry before this actually meant very little to what i have come to rely upon. true, i felt the calmness, of being in control of examinations, but there's only the very fact that i have been through countless no. of exams, and an equal no. of exams which turned out to be failures. that's why i have tricked myself to be emotionless about any results lack thereof. the constant reminders from my alter ego says "excused because of commitments beyond any normal human beings, excused because i have already tried my best"

what's worse, after the failure of the common tests, i rejoiced deep within because i made myself believe that i did better than many people. which is true, but is false too. and common tests come before march hols, and i am not prepared and the syllabus is too much. the list goes on.

i quietly wait for the next test and then my next verdict. i will not so much as promise anyone anything about any results. but this time, i will humbly take the tests and much as i want it. as much as i really will, try my best. i hope this time, i am in the right path.

because this time, studies is my excuse for anything else.