never have i felt so calm before the onslaught of a major examination.

no its definitely not because i prepared sufficiently, or boosted my ego significantly, its just like every other examinations thus far; the feeling of minute hopelessness, sudden gush of fake confidence, and making sure that everything will go well because i have managed to saturate my brain till it holds every single detail. with the false sense of security i will walked through every examination hall, and then panicked during the paper, and tell myself i will try better after this.

is it because i finally got used to this routine? does that mean it doesnt mean anything to me anymore? i believed that its neither the two. every examination oozes a different aura, a different level of alarm and grief. and they always meant something to me, not just a gauge, not just a point of reference; but a promise.

yet, my life is such that it just seemed that there's so much more that's important in this life. that i finally realised that even though we are students, examinations cannot take the very essence of humanity away. we cant bluff ourselves into thinking that its the priority, its our life, and the real life awaits because of what we are doing now.

after listening to so many people having conflict with life and examination, of how there's still the emotions in all of us to think about what hits the heart the most, of how loved ones arent doing so well, of how things dont seem too well in a relationship, how they are affecting studies and the ability to perform; i think i need you all to know, that we should believe in ourselves and believe in the capacity we have as humans to treasure what really mean the most to us. of course, we should all strive for excellence in academics, but it cannot be seen as an obsession, of life in itself. but i strongly believe in just trying your best in doing what you think is right and then to obliterate all worries. as long as our hearts lie unconvinced and thoroughly hurt and exhausted, examinations will never be at our full capacities.

i realised that i am alittle calmer, because i know whatever grades i receive, they are a true reflection of how much i tried, despite the trials that come. they are reflections of how much i have screwed my life with making sure the rest of the other aspects of my life is catered to. they make you realised how much something matters to you and as long as the spirit and passion remain, remember we can always do the impossible. its two days before this round of examination begins and i hardly completed my revision, i am sure it would not be wonderful, but i will keep trying. keep trying but never destroying the flame that burns within.

take care, and do your best. and laugh over it, knowing you can make the difference. because if you fail, you just got to make sure you try harder. because if you shine, then you have done the impossible. and if you just passed, you are perfectly human, and loved.

this is for all of you pulling your hair out in frustration, keep faith.

and especially for you; because i know its been a rollercoaster. make sure you ride it first, and let me ride it with you, and only when the last descent, will we hop off and shine together. you know i will always be here when you need me; because i would never want to see you giving up and giving in to failure. i know you are much more than that, it doesnt have to be this common test. but i want you to know, i will watch over you no matter what because i care for you. so keep that chin up and it will be over before heffalumps become centres of attraction again. (and all the promises for the weeks to come.)

she will be in my prayers, and you will smile more, not because you studied enough, but because you chose to embrace life, rather than embrace chemistry lecture notes.