during grandma's funeral, we all had the time off to look back into our own individual lives and our lives connected by grandma. and this special connection is what we collectively regard as family. that word seemed unimpactful when read but we all have our own definitions of family, our own life connected by loved ones and that's all that made life ever so wonderful.

while relatives talked about old times, about what grandma used to dol, i had the time to look back at my primary school. that own field i used to play soccer everyday after school, that assembly ground, that table-tennis area, the canteen and that aroma of new paint. i wondered whether the smell is there anymore? or had it all been worn away, embedded only in the minds of the past? its all part of childhood, but it was how i had grown to who i am now. unlike SJI, i dont feel a sense of belonging anymore. all i ever felt was that i used to be there.

looking at the children entering the school premises in the morning, rubbing the sleep from their eyes, yet a look of cheekiness, hopefulness and definite hidden smiles, running towards the gate the moment they are near, and looking again at the same children tired, the hidden smiles finally ensued as though they cant be kept in any longer.

and where are all my friends now? those people that i had given so much, that at that point of time, they were the ones i spent my times with.

slowly but surely, we are all forgotten. it seemed so close, yet the memories are all fading. but i knew i had fun. and i was really happy then, without a single thought about the world ahead. just the present, just the invaluable exchange of invaluable friendship and trust.

we will never get back to those days, and very soon after, we will never even give a second thought about our distant pasts without any catalysts, without any prompts. i hardly even see my school. come to think of it, i hardly see SJI anyway.

while i still remember. i wonder how you guys are doing? :)

i guess i will only know the names, and together with the names all your childhood faces.