as always, a momentary solitude from blogging and i am not used to writing again. there's this massive output in my head awaiting to be discharged systematically, sorted into their different realm. yet, it always overflow. and i am stuck, and i am stuck real bad. a multitude of stories and experiences to be divulged and the first sentence will always be the most difficult.

two things, i figured somehow, affected my life tremendously. because i felt the magnitude of not having them by my side. the first one is music, the second one, of course, is writing.

during the promos period, grandma's funeral and then there's openhouse and right until now, chinese A's and tomorrow's OP preparations, i never had the time i used to have.

my ipod rested solemnly in a corner collecting dust or in my bag if i even attempted to spend some time listening. but as always, it never occured to me but i gave up on listening some time back. phone calls, meeting proposals, revising for the papers made me forget the wonders of music.

i hardly even use the messenger then, not including even writing once more in my blog. those things i always had extra time to dwell about, to reflect upon and to crap along, never got through my head. proposals for the performances in openhouse was "more important".

things started to go haywire, i dont feel as calm. i dont feel as much as i am in control. coffee was a mere substitute to keep the body moving. but my mind then was already subdued into a mere person without much of a time for feelings.

and then i realise, deep down inside, there was something missing. gone were those days where we were all so much happier. gone were those days where one day seems a long time. and after some soul-searching, i realise the absence of music, the absence of writing. of course, music is so much easier to comprehend, to start recovering from. a mind in a mess will only produce a writing of gibberish. i wondered how i could have written well for promos.

that's why, when life gets the better of your control, subconsciously we all neglect things that were once important yet part of your life. the comfort zone is gone, but we hardly even look back. we strive, and we become less than human. a shadow of the previous fuller self.

find that music in your life. find that passion that once burned so warmly.