today, as i went back home, a boy hardly reaching the height of my waist was flinging her mom's gentle grasp away. then, he walked with pride towards the escalator down. he could not reach the handgrip and his mom's hand fell gently back onto his wrist.

he flung her arm away again but looked unsure. inconfident and fearful. throughout the escalator ride, he exchanged short glances towards his mom, for affirmation? or was it the calm his mom provides? he kept his hands away no matter what. away from dependence.

we reached the bottom, he smiled a earful smile towards his mom, shone with pride and courage, knowing that he had grown up. knowing he is now independent.

his mom smiled back. she looked tired but relieved.

he never held his mom's hand back.


Many thousand years ago, i remembered you holding me, protecting me. and i relied on you. wholeheartedly. when did i ever stop? when was i like this boy? unknowingly, but seriously considering independence, away from your care. i forgot. but as time passes, and i grow up, our love was never forged through these actions. and never will it be again.

i remembered the constant rewards you gave me. i remembered the efforts you put in to ensure i had a wonderful birthday party. i remembered my latest 16th birthday, when you gave me a surprise. i remembered how you ironed my clothes, my ncc uniform dead in the night, with extra starch. i remembered how i told you off because the starch wasnt strong enough. when i was at the top, i told my cadets to love their moms for what they had done. but never to you. all i did was never needing you to starch anymore. i hardly say thanks. i took you for granted. you came to all my affirmations, when i got my best cadet award, when i became the csm, when i stepped down, when i got into council, when i started out in sji, sometimes even alone. i worried then, that you would be lonely, but when the main stage was on me, i forgotten about you.

and many a times, a mother's efforts, a mother's undying love seemed little and insignificant. they never complained. throughout my 17 years, you were there. you were the pillar that i took as my own. you were the strength, the last resort whenever i needed help. and when i was down, i knew you know, but i was not one who would share my secrets easily. i let it out on you instead.

and now i am 17years. and i realised the magnitude of what you have done. what i have achieved so far, who i am now as kaichuen, its because of you. the only kaichuen mom there is in this world. and i want you to know that deep down inside, i always regarded you as a strong woman who never fails to achieve. that you have done so much for me, that your impact on me is beyond what we all can comprehend. that deep down inside, i love you.

i looked back on our latest squabble. i raised my voice at you. i scolded you for working so hard at a part-time job. you came home late, you sleep late. you looked tired but you never complained. what's worse, you exhausted your weekends. i knew the importance of money. but i hope you do realise that at that time, i wanted us to be back, closer together already. because no amount of money can replace family. because i rather be poor, than be without you. but then again, who wouldnt want to relax? she did it because of the family.

from here on out, there will be no more holding hands. there will be no more kiddy runabouts, no more small little gifts. and do i miss them. but this time, let us be the pillar for one another. let's sit down over coffee and talk. let me tell you my side of the story i never did bother sharing. i know you want to know how your son is doing.

mom, i am great. because of you. how about you? sorry for the trials that come, and thank you. just thank you for being my one and only mother in this life of mine. one can do so much, and i may not be the best son that a mother can have. but i assure you that we will laugh at the end of the day. that destiny has brought us together, and i will cherish you.

happy birthday, mom.