its two in the morning. and i find myself here.

staring into the perimeters of the screen. staring into those lonely stars, coupled with the lonely skies of endless black.

its two in the morning, and its three days to midyears. for all that it's worthed, its the examination for the time i began in cj. that six months of turbulence, coupled with the pathetic change of fate.

and yet i am still hanging on. i am still trying. thank god i am. after that leadership training camp and the exco election, and after a short episode of high fever, i made myself excruciatingly busy. busy with the works of a mugger. a late night one. because i cant just keep falling back to square one. because i have to be strong enough to even try letting go. let go but not give up.

the grade really doesnt matter to me now. because all i know is that with whatever i have left in me, i did my mugging. for all that it's worthed, i tried. i hope its all that matters. people around me are all feeling the stress. nearing it myself, i felt it too. yet another part of me asked of me that i really had done my best. more than all those previous attempt in exams, those half-hearted, last-minute bluffing of your way through. and with all those messed-up worries, we are still going to do it. we have to. lets just be calm and bite the damn bullet. how much shit can i get for six months. loads.

its all about confidence. its all about preparedness. many will say. i agree too. but its also about how much you want it. and how much it matters to you. because one of these exams, midyear or promos, i have to do well. to really know that at least i am still strong enough. that i am still alive. how about at least i kept my promise to you. to us. so here goes!

i will try, and only try hard. and when its all over, i know i tried, and along the way others can try too. and we all try together. and we all smile together in the end. there's nothing more to it.

its two in the morning. three more hours to go. three more days. now i choose. because everyone can choose to stand or fall. its just a matter of how tough that standing is.

its fucking tough.