you ended up without a cca. but your reasons were solid. you gave up on your cca because you made a choice. and that choice just showed how mature you are.

you said. i cant spend everything on that cca. because you finally understood that friendship is priceless. when you said its for us, i didnt scold you because you maybe using us as an excuse, but because i know you truly care.

friendship, its just that strong.

similarly, i made a choice too. it wasnt to complement you, it was a conincidence. a path that only we understood. because somehow, we learnt that it doesnt pay when things are gone. compared to you, i ended up with two ccas. prior to that being a htc and adding on to the load the nyaa that comes along with the extra skills needed.

so i chose. are we really happy having a position just for two years in jc? do we really feel that sense of glory? do i feel it when i had a position last time? or was something in life that's going to be for eternal much more important? even if it wasnt forever, that love, that connecting heartbeats, arent they more important than a mere temporary position in school that serves to make you feel better, to make you feel confident and accepted by others? yes, its true that the experience is awesome. i can never forget the prestige of being a csm. but if because of that i lose my loved ones, my friends? does that position even matter anymore? "i love being a csm, because i feel good about myself." bullshit. guanwen said i was damn lucky already, to have everything then.

tht's why, this time around, i wont be fighting. i will be who i am. because i know that's what people who love me wants. they wldnt want me changed into a nemesis, hunger for a position. naturally, ppl will look at me as who i am. furthermore, being a councillor. its already good enough. i look at how they are fighting in council now. reminds me of how i used to be.

so what. so what if i am a nobody in school or council.
when i can be everything to someone else.
when people still knows me as the real kaichuen. not one driven by power. but by love.