Saturday, January 20, 2007
catholic junior college.:spirit succinctly congruent to sji. (but of course sji will always be the SJI.) i must say the experience is utterly overwhelming: the tutorials, the lectures, that orientation, and esp. the people. yes, it was and will be something that will be part of me forever, like everything that fate has decided. however, the main point isnt how great the college is, its what's running through my head the day college started.the highly anticipated o's result is always running through my head. the "what ifs". if my result is good, its not so much of a problem. But what if. i dont want my newly acquired friendships to disappear. i dont want my efforts to be wasted. and a million of "i donts" lingers..i talked to xd bout it. he said its better to leave the day before to start worrying. cos its affecting my optimum in class, i said. he was shocked that i begun to think so negatively bout myself. i nv did in front of him i guess. but i wasnt negative. its when i found out cj is like a 2nd sji, i dont wanna lose it, when i found out ppl there believed in me, when i know tht there's a possibility that the higher i climb, the higher i will fall. you see, when u have nothing to lose, u wont be worried at all. its because of the special bond, the connections, i just dont want them to be false. when you love someone, you wldnt want him/her to just be a short-term illusion. a mirage.most ppl will keep quiet. many will succeed and they didnt have to worry. "luckily i didnt act like a wimp infronta my friends". what bout those who failed? they didnt build a safety net to fall on.. just too late.it isn't paranoia, it isn't inconfidence. it's when you know how special that something is, u dont wanna have to turn back again. u made a home near the volcano, u grew into it. when the volcano erupts, u just cant seem to leave. the consequence... is only death.i penned it down, and i hope when the time comes, i am prepared.
11:37 PM
