first came the terrible headaches, then the massive cold war + sore throat, and then a fever that was serious enough to lay me on bed. the moment i could stand up again, i was hit by a bout of flu.. the nose jus kept sniffing.. and now, the coughs were long enough to irritate me. all this in a matter of two weeks. i am off-formed for such a long time, finally i am climbing back. thankfully.

so many days have past the last time i came here. so many things impt enough were left unchecked here, they just came and went, all significant enough thr isn't one more significant than the others, so they jus passed by without any putting down. my bdae party. company camp. parent seminar. ta1. ta1 results and so many other stuff relative to the term "sec4".

ta1 was terrible, like all the josephians' answer, at least the josephians in my class. i failed 3 sub. physics, geog and elective humanities. my eng was jus 50. it didnt come unexpected. it was e midst of my illnesses. bt a distinction for my amaths & a b3 for emaths. and my chinese was above average. all in all, seventh in class. deproved from last year's fourth and nw e percentage are so close. everyone's working, its the last chance afterall. one thing i learnt however, tht my results were e opposite nw, 1st in class for physics last year, 2nd in geog, and my eng was a distinction, my eh nt bad at all. my maths and chinese were nv tht good. one way to console myself: i can actually do well in my studies, all my subjects. its how bad i want to work for it or not. and i can tell u and myself, i am desperate for good grades nw. thr's nt a particular subject tht i am v weak on, jus how much effort do i needa put in for each. mayb i gt the emergency call, tht i needa work on the weak ones. this is nt an excuse, nt at all.the strong ones became weak.

before we noe it, 1 term gone jus like tht. 3 more terms in sji. i began to ponder, began to feel a tight strain on my emotion. i am dead worried now. what the hell am i still doin here? my results are nv better after the constant ego-boosting i gave myself. is thr enough energy left in me to continue giving myself a nitro-boost? i hope thr is. the 3 years worth of input on learning how to motivate, i can push them all out nw right? i wonder.. this sickness is nt helping. and all the wars are nt helping too. so what should i do? focus so much more on studies tht i simply give up the wars and let the obstacles bypass me? let me just surrender from the war.. wait a min. no way. this is nt the word. i nv surrender do i. tht's why stuff gets screwed sometimes. it jus mean,

tht i am gonna fight the wars, more vigorously, with more force, i am gonna win the war like how the lightning strikes. i am gonna tackle my opponents so ruthlessly, i feel my morale reduced. finally i can sense the time lapse. we are just too near. too dangerous. i cant be the kind-hearted soul tht only waits for the opponent to back off. i have to do what i hafta do. it mayb so dead, bt tht's my only solution left. winning the war would unconditionally give me tht confidence. bt indulging in it would give me a time lag in studies. then, extra efforts, extra might. i feel my sickness goin away, is this a sign of renewal, sign for me to damn get my butt moving? no matter, lets just take it from there. no more time to wait. so many times i promise myself. so many times i let my parents down.. so many times i indulge in the wars bt nv really put an end to them. i will make the final assault. so many times i am still sitting down letting my emotions take over. no more. no more wrong moves.

ending note, response to xd's quote. the ultimate rule to mugging, is not only get a book, sit down, shut up, read. its that, but prior to that. we gonna have the one thing, tht mindset to start the spark to mugging. the xfactor to move that damn mind, that damn heart to get the book.