well, my roller coaster jus shifted downwards out of a sudden, obviously bringin bout fear and everythin else.. thought it will be smooth-sailing after the exams.. this was so unexpected.. just came back from obs and things juz came rushin in from all directions like how the rollercoaster suddenly changed it course. ncc trainings will stopped after this week, very much after i discussed with chu xian.. i thought it will go on for mayb 3 more weeks? and then bam! sch hols nxt week and olevels starts nxt week too.. most probably cant hav training in sch then.. well, the bad thing is martin and zul, both first i/cs for part b and c are ace leaders for e first camp, which is from friday to monday, and this meant tht they cant attend the final training of the year.. half of the part cs will be in ace camp too.. What to do?!?! it will be such a nice screwed-up last training of the year. and i noe zul and martin surely want to tok to them for e "last time". Part of me juz wants to let it flow through..

tht one was actually one whole long saga, what's with the planning, and discussion with ocx that coz my phone to go empty on fuel for the first time and everything, luckily someone invented "summary". now i would juz need the sir to permit this last minute changes.

so i thought one problem was corrected, then came another.. after being called to be an ace leader, i was of course excited and i thought changing from camp 1 to camp 2 was a brilliant idea, since i will be able to attend the last training, and havin a first time experience of home alone with my mum and sis goin hol.. and oso hopefully able to march into the hall in my no.1 durin the march-in and receivin my nyaa bronze award on stage..

then came another "catastrophe", camp 2 is on tuesday to friday nxt week, and xd's birthday party is on the thursday!! DAMN!! i feel bad juz thinkin bout it again.. well, of coz he will say there's no choice, but i juz put some other "bullshit" (mind my language) commitment infronta friendship..and xd didn wanna go ace camp becoz he wanna plan for his party, shouldnt i like join him... but anyhow, i really feel like shit now thinkin bout so many stuff.. a break must come fast, all the big plannings and obstacles to overcome for only a week and a half.. is it worth it.. and will this juz keep continuing all thru nxt year.. i better be prepared for the onslaught..

jov once told me, being a csm or juz being a person tht requires makin decisions, it doesnt always come out good, perfect, foolproof.. there are times when ppl will definitely not like, conflicts will surely be present.. Yet, what i have decided, what i think is the best for everyone, everything, i have to stick with it, and see the end to it, no matter how the outcome.. becoz those are my decision, i will hav to hold full responsibility.. sorry xd, zul, martin.