i am breaking apart. finally i am losing this battle of determination i always had with me. things start happening all wrongly.. i got sick juz yesterday. i deproved alot in my badminton. i looked at my chemistry blankly and desperately askin for help but 'silently'.. everything is piling up over me, i can feel its intensity, its pressure.. its pressing against me deeper and harder everytime as every second ticked by.

but no, these dont really matter, werent i able to fend them all off last time? mayb i juz cant persevere forever.. i hav to TACKLE them. no point lookin at my problems and juz whine in a corner of my room.. no point trying to show others tht i can handle them all right, look at my face and u will know nothin is right. no point..juz stoning and looking at others doing what i need to do. i hav to change. i hav to overcome those problems.. no matter how much i tell others bout my problems, i still hav to face them myself...

thr are times when i would feel so free, then the nxt day so screwed up with the amount of work piling over me.. i should really plan my time well this time.. as this week comes to a close finally, i thought a year had passed.. i remembered last time how things went on so smoothly and slowly in primary sch days.. when i dun hav to worry much and life was so peaceful and happy.. those were the days but hey, isnt this all bout life? things always get more and more difficult but still, why not treat them as tests to be a more determined person? to me, being a person tht had experienced some hardships is so much better than a person always sheltered.. anyway, this week was packed with 5 tests, already on wednesday i thought of giving up, but hey, i finished them all the same.. art lessons grew more boring, got really very abstract and stuff..then i got to know my post, finally after much torture and anxiety.. i am to be the nxt csm, takin over jovian for nxt year.. and yea csm. company sergeant major. it may be the best, the one who will be there for everyone. i got was i hope for since sec2. i finally got it. the post tht i wanted all the time. tht was my dream. and yet, i feel the pressure tht comes with the power too. now time hav to be taken off aside for studies but ncc too.. no more are the days when we are cadets listenin to everythin tht e seniors say..

as i cant wait for Annual Parade to come, i still hav to continue my life, even if i dun like how it is, how busy it is..life's still continues, from wad i learnt from lltc, no matter how big the obstacles are, there is always the other side of it..i will hav my reward at the end of the day..

tmr is yet another big day for me, as i will hav my prefect interview and psf interview..i dunno whether i am afraid or excited, but i noe its better to finish it fast and get to know the results than worryin over it. i would get them if i am capable of being them.. no matter how many ppl wish me good luck and encourage me all the way, i know it all boils down to me and myself.. they can bring me so far..only show me the door, and yes, i hav to do it myself.. thanks you guys, for giving me tht start..haha..